Giving Gyan: Advice for the Lovelorn and the Life-Torn by Bachi Karkaria. Published in 2018 by Times Group Books, a division of Bennett, Coleman and Company Limited, The Times of India, First Floor, Gulab Bhawan, 6, Bahadurshah Zafar Marg, New Delhi 110002; email: tgb@timesgroup.com; website: www.timesgroupbooks.com. Pp :144. Price: Rs 299.
It has been said that the best thing to do with good advice is to pass it on, which is what the Times of India Group of Publications 
has done with Giving Gyan (knowledge), an enjoyable compilation of the wit and wisdom of Bachi Karkaria (pictured), agony aunt for the Mumbai Mirror (MM) and its sister publications in Poona, Ahmedabad and Bangalore.
If The Times of India is the old lady of Bori Bunder, then Karkaria is surely that venerable institution’s grande dame: one of its senior-most journalists, columnist, author and curator of the Times of India Litfest. Karkaria took on the role of agony aunt in 2008, doling out advice for "those who need a shoulder to cry on and those who only need two tight slaps.” In the introduction to the book, Karkaria recalls that when she was approached by Meenal Baghel, editor of MM to take on a weekly agony aunt column, Baghel "didn’t want any soppy, you-poor-put-upon-thing kind of stuff. Her brief was simply this: If the advice seeker cries, ‘Help, I am standing on the edge,’ you say, ‘Here, let me give you a push.’ I can say that I have followed the instruction.”
In his foreword to the book, journalist and politician Kumar Ketkar succinctly sums up the secret to Karkaria’s success: "She does not provide a shoulder to cry on; more usefully she provides emotional spine!” Giving Gyan provides entertaining and enlightening glimpses of Karkaria’s no-nonsense approach to the lovelorn and the life-torn. The book is divided into six sections, starting out with the biggest problem of all — the angst-inducing agony and elusive ecstasy of finding and holding on to true love — and then moving on to tackling straying spouses or parents, dealing with demons in the home, confronting teenage dilemmas and ending with "some really weird letters,” invariably from guys who are seriously out of touch with reality.
To a hapless 27-year-old man who claims to have fallen in love four times but all were one-sided romances, "with no feelings from the opposite side,” Karkaria replies: "Once bitten, twice shy is supposed to be the norm, but you aren’t shying off even though your head has been bitten off four times. You’re lucky it’s not some more active part of your anatomy. Don’t you get the message young man? … Go buy yourself a single-ruled notebook and write out 100 times, ‘I will not fall in love.’”
For a 38-year-old man who is distraught about losing his "purity” at the age of 35 to a 23-year-old girl with whom he eventually ended the relationship, the irrepressible Karkaria responds: "What is this nonsense about ‘purity?’ Look, are you a man or the holy Ganga? Do you want to be a companion or are you aiming at becoming the gold standard? Do you want a marriage certificate or an ISI (Indian Standards Institute) certificate? You first have to remove all those polluting notions from your head. That’s the most impure thing in this whole absurd business.”
Well known for her penchant for pun-ditry, there are some splendid examples strewn through the book. Take, for example, Karkaria’s put-down for a depressed third-year accounting student who wants to give up her studies and become an air hostess: "All you need to do is come down to earth and concentrate instead of floating 30,000 ft above ‘see’ level.” To a harrowed husband who is being mentally and physically tortured by his wife, Karkaria states: "I am afraid you aren’t pulling at my heartstrings with your poor-abused-husband sob story. The only thing different about this is the gender of the victim. I am not saying, ‘Well, thousands of women go through this, so let a guy suffer for a change.’ I am not that petty or vindictive. But what I would like to ask is why did you allow yourself to be kicked around like a football and continue this Messi situation for eight years?”
From luckless suitors to jealous lovers, attention seekers, judgmental daughters, distressed wives, confused husbands, concerned siblings, mummy’s darlings, troubled teens and sad souls, there is plenty of tongue-in-cheek gyan to be gained from the book. But Karkaria has saved the best for last — to a 16-year-old who writes, "I want to know what love is,” Karkaria answers, "Heaven help you. And me. I would have found it easier to capture a moonbeam or solve the Kashmir problem. Instead, you have posed me the sort of question that befuddles the wise men of the kingdom in all our mythologies.
"I can’t tell you what love actually is, but I can tell you what love actually is not…” And Karkaria then garners the gyan of a lifetime to explain what "love is not” with astonishing common sense, clarity, sensitivity and incisiveness. The book is worth reading for her response to this question alone.
DELSHAD KARANJIA