There is an interloper in our homes. Its presence can alter the very course of our lives. No more do family secrets remain so. They permeate the walls and manifest in the public domain with devastating effects.
When three videos of a Parsi mother threatening to strike her two children and then carrying out the assault surfaced on social media, the response was swift and forceful (see "A striking situation,” pg 21). Not only did social workers intervene but the police filed a First Information Report (FIR) and charged the parents with physical abuse or abetment of doing so. According to community social workers who volunteered their services, the family was amenable to counseling. The police and representatives of various commissions may also appoint counselors. Either way the long, hard road to healing or minimizing the emotional trauma undergone will take time.
When reports of any abuse occur, the first reaction is to ask for proof of the event. Are there firsthand reports? Who has recorded them? How authentic/credible is the information? Are there witnesses? The ubiquitous mobile phone then proves an indispensable tool for providing irrefutable evidence. No doubt social media posts can be manipulated but that takes time, money, technological knowhow and most importantly, a motive.
In the case of the mother physically abusing her two children, the video allegedly was shot by the children’s father two years ago. The sharing of the contents on social media in the last month raises painful questions.
Who is responsible for protecting a child physically abused by a parent? Is it the parent who does not intervene to mitigate the violence or other family members who turn a blind eye? The neighbors who do not intercede and report the ill-treatment or the school authorities who either fail to observe the symptoms of abuse or fail to make inquiries and file complaints? The doctors, nurses, hospitals that do not contact the concerned governmental authorities when they notice the bruises, cuts and swellings on the patient who comes for treatment?
The frightened and often terrorized youngsters dare not complain for fear of further onslaughts. In spousal abuse cases, similar circumstances abound. Fear is the key deterrent to seeking redressal, not to mention the dread of societal shaming and the threat of an irretrievable breakdown of the relationship. Many opt to suffer the abuse than risk being turned out of their homes or being deprived of monetary sustenance.
But what happens when the villainous secret becomes known and the social organizations and the authorities intervene? Does the abuse stop? Does the system offer redemption? Can a broken family be mended?
It is not only that people have lost faith in the institutions; most never had it to begin with.
The World Health Organization (WHO) defines child abuse as "all types of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect, negligence and commercial or other exploitation, which results in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, survival, development or dignity in context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power.” Noting in 2022 that nearly three in four children aged two to four years (around 300 million) "regularly suffer physical punishment and/or psychological violence at the hands of parents and caregivers,” WHO says "the numbers…increased significantly during the Covid-19 pandemic due to the considerable impact the lockdown had on the lifestyle and daily routine of most of the population. Families have lived in physical isolation,” with child care centers, schools, etc being temporarily inaccessible. The incident recorded in the videos could possibly have taken place during or shortly after the Covid-19 period.
According to a 2021 report by the National Centre for Biotechnology, "53% of children in India report abuse by a parent or relative…Physical abuse is one of the most common forms of child abuse in India…The most common types are hitting and slapping, burning and beating.”
There are no statistics or reports on child abuse in the Parsi community. Interestingly, the four volumes containing the research undertaken by the Tata Institute of Social Studies (TISS) on the community at the behest of the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP), makes no mention of parental abuse of children. Had it been a regular feature, the highly skilled and experienced social scientists would have definitely investigated the frequency of such occurrences. Perhaps that is why when the videos surfaced there was so much reaction and revulsion. We don’t expect Parsis to resort to violence, no matter how provocative the children’s behavior may be. In the TISS volume titled The World of Parsi Youth: Status and Perception, authored by Prof Lata Narayan and edited by Drs Armaity Desai and Shalini Bharat, the word "abuse” does not feature in the "References” section of the book. In a chapter titled "Culture and lifestyle” there is a section called "Advantages and Disadvantages of living in a Parsi Neighborhood.” The plus points mentioned include "promoting and sustaining the Parsi culture,” encouraging community interaction and socialization of children. The negatives were "less privacy and more gossip.”
In the case of the three videos, the positives appear to be absent. The neighbors do not appear to have intervened while the abuse appears to have been an ongoing activity. The father who recorded the incidents of the mother slapping and belting her children reportedly did it to expose "his wife’s violent nature after domestic disputes.” Perhaps the baug association could have been more proactive had it been aware of the maltreatment. The Parsi colony in the western suburb of Goregaon, developed after purchase of property from the erstwhile Nirlon company, is probably the newest of the BPP housing centers. Perhaps it takes time for a colony culture to settle in and social structures and associations to be in place.
Aside from child abuse, dementia, Alzheimer’s, bipolar disorders, depression, etc also affects residents of various baugs. Even here neighbors do not intervene to assist the residents who live in unhygienic, depraved garbage-stacked surroundings. The community once built colonies to physically house Parsis. Now they need organizations to see to the mental and emotional well-being of their residents.